Deep deep fears, to my partner and kids...

I photograph everything I can that makes me smile or gives me a happy moment.

Deep deep down, I hold onto every photo I take because I'm terrified I'll forget. With my condition the way it is, I struggle every single day to even remember basic things.

I'm terrified I'll forget the creases on the side of their mouth when they smile. How their adult teeth looked when they were taking shape in their tiny little mouths. The colour of their hair and how their eyes change slightly as they all grow. The way he look into my eyes. I wish I could photograph the way that makes me feel.

Something I feel that is more than terror, is no longer being able to see any of you. No longer being able to see anything. I'm horrified by the thought of living in darkness. I occasionally talk about it briefly brushing it off casually, but I cry every single night when everyone is asleep with what is to come. I don't want to live in fear but I don't know how to see past never being able to see again.

I feel like it's pretty normal to have these fears.

Tomorrow I start therapy for my mental health.

I'm not scared to admit I suffer depression and anxiety. Mental health is nothing to be ashamed of, but please if you are struggling, do not be afraid to reach out.

Beyond blue: Call a counsellor on 1300 22 4636

Listeningear.org.au

Phone: 02 9158 0886

Or, inbox me, I'm always happy to chat!

Much love, Chell xx